When you walk into a familiar place, it is great to see old friends turn and smile at you.

That warm familiar feeling washes over you. It finally feels like there is somewhere you belong; regardless that it is only temporary. That feeling hardly comes around these days so you need to savour what you have.

And it feels strangely fuzzy, very unexpected for where I walked into. But it brought a smile to my face and I am glad that I went.

It has been so long since I have logged into my flickr account, I actually forgot my login details and had to do it three times.

Well, here is the picture that has caused me to dust the cobwebs off my flickr account (at least the login part)

I am happily finishing this dessert as I type this post. This is one of the very few things that I remember fondly from my non-existent childhood.

I remember as a little girl, always pestering my parents that that supermarket to buy this. I think then I thought it was only available there, who knows. Yes, it doesn’t seem to taste the same as my memory remembers it but maybe it is because the circumstances are all different. Maybe my palate has tasted different perfections (I am being to taste the nuances in some alcohols. Ok getting off track), different amazements. There is a possibility that they have changed the recipe, but I don’t really believe that.

I’ve changed, my tastes have changed with it. But I guess, some things never change. I need to finish my dessert before it melts into a googey mess.

I wonder if I am really lacking in sleep or that I am just making use of my bed because it is there.

Every weekend is mostly spent in bed, sleeping for the most part, since I never really seem to have plans. So while I can pad around the house, I normally just coop myself my in my room, with nothing much else to do there but sleep.

Even to the extent, I sleep through my meals. It is a wonder I am not skinny because I hardly eat any meals at all during the weekends.

Now I have this horrid migraine that refuses to go away even after I have eaten.

One week passes into another, with no real sense of it being different, a beginning or an end.

It feels like very weekend, I become a catatonic being. Since I have nothing to do, I just spend it cooped up in my room – mostly sleeping the entire weekend away. It definitely does feel like I am just wasting my life away, with no accomplishments, nothing. The zest and the passion I used to have (for life or otherwise) has disappeared. Disappeared till the point that there are no fragments of it left in my life. Just a void there or maybe the void has disappeared also.

Someone mentioned, maybe the solution to this is to have more friends. As with more friends, the likely hood of one of them being free when one asks, or they would be the ones doing the asking would be higher. Over the years, my circle of friends has not grown. In fact, it has shrunk. A few have life the country and other get caught up further in their busy lives while the only thing that seems to occupy my time is work.

I just the solution is to find my passion or something I am passionate about again. That would at least give me something to do.

I had a late start to today as the morning plans were scratched at the last moment due to a non-functioning motherboard and the fact that I was up all night as I was sick.

So after a “wake up” call from my cousin who had already reached, I rushed out of the house in a frenzy down to Cathay to catch a movie – Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

After (a late) dinner, I had this crazy suggestion to watch Twilight

So my cousin listened to his crazy cousin to go and watch another movie within hours of each other.

While both movies are good (which I will blog about separately), I realised how much I miss going to the movies. When I was much younger, which obviously seems like a lifetime ago now, I used to go pretty frequently to catch shows. Sometimes, I’ll just turn up at a box office and catch which ever show was about to start. There were sometimes jewels to be found.

Then I started working, and I went to the theatre less and less frequently. Even to the extent of missing movies I had wanted to catch. My currently list of To-Watch movies, seems to be growing larger only.

In some sense, I lost a part of myself. Earlier today, I was just considering the fact that almost all people I know have great passion for at least one thing in their life, if not more. I keep hearing of the passion people have and I realise I have lost all my passions in life. Work has almost consumed my entire being leaving me very little time for my personal activities. I guess its starting to worry me, tho I know it has been worrying many for a long time now.

So I guess I have a new goal, to be less tied to work… reignite my passions, and in some sense find out what my passions are now since the old ones have long died. Maybe I should start with a visit to the theatre at least once a week then. 

Aimlessly walking around the central does nothing to soothe the dull ache in my chest. It felt like I was missing an essential part of myself.

Ralphie travelled with me everywhere but I never really took her out, something which I kept harping on. My mind kept running back to that. That I didn’t treat her well. She worked too much like me too; with no rest for the weary.

I was needlessly trying to remember what photos were on the sd card that I had lost with my dear Raphie. I’m moved from being mostly torn up by the lost of Ralphie to  now the main concern being the lost of the photos. As my cousin said, the photos are irreplacable. I thought of my ‘vacation’ photos, of an event I attended, a dinner with friends. Photo moments I will never get back. It cut so deep within me.

I just seem to be hoping by some miracle it will suddenly turn up some where.

While speaking to my new friend Chilli Padi today, I was jealous beyond belief.

The green eye monster reared its ugly head as I felt so painfully alone. While I am sick but still working my arse off and no one really knows I’m sick – chilli padi was unable to work today coz she had crashed already. There was just no way she could have survived another day.

And apparently, her mother took half day leave to cook for her. I can’t even remember the last time I had home cooked food, let alone food that was cooked for me. It made me miss the smells of home and my grandma in the kitchen.

The sound of dinner being prepared with the cackling of the fire. The fragrance of my favourite foods simmering on the stove top.

Ah, this is just one of the perils of staying alone.

Work has been crazy – I haven’t had a day off in over a month. I think I’m bone-tired…all the way to the core.

Tomorrow is the first day I don’t officially have to work since the madness started but I have brought back about 5-8kg of work. I think I might have just officially become a workaholic after teetering on the edge for so long.

This past two months has not been good to me. While I’ve been getting to do a varied amount of projects, the rest of my life is suffering. I’m now sitting in my room with no one to go out with and nothing to do.

And I forgot it was a Friday night. That says a lot about my concept of time.

Regardless of the 8kg of work I have brought back, I would like to have some semblance of a life this weekend. I know its last minute, but does anyone have free time in their schedules to accommodate poor little me even tho I have been turning all your invites down?

Messsage me! Call me! Email me! Plurk me! (Ok, so plurk is another story for another time)

Ages ago, the fan that was in my room died. It kept tripping the entire house every time I turned it on.  So I had no choice but to throw it out.

For a long while now, I have only been using the air-conditioning as it can get very warm in my room on most days. While I’m no pampered princess, sometimes the need for air movement makes all the difference, so I’ve been using the aircon more than I would normally like to

Finally today while walking off my dinner – I finally decided to get myself a brand new spanking fan! Just opening the box made me feel all happy about it.

As I look at it now, it just seems to make my day all nice and fuzzy.

The simple things that can just make one like me happy.