Thank you once again for everything. I’m glad I went. As a continuation to the note, I am very grateful that you are in my life. At times, it’s just enough to know that you are walking beside me and egging me on.

Yes I know my school of thought that I am not worthy of what has already been given to me. But I think it’s just a process I need to work through and thank you for letting me walk at my own pace with my insane notions and complete and utter inability to sometimes progress forward. I am deeply appreciative that you are willing to be so utterly patient amidst all my failings.

While you embark on this new journey, I have nothing but great wishes and my thoughts and prayers will always be with you. I know you will do so brilliantly well and I have utmost faith in you that you will always succeed on this path you have chosen.

I went to support my friend today and with our conversation just the other night; I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Which I hope I can translate into action – something that has been prone to elude me.

I have been fighting with my faith and because I feel undeserving I have alienated myself for no good reason. With all the changes that have been happening in my life and the shift in my thinking, there is a part of me that really misses my faith and all that goes along with it.

I had made a list, I guess there seems to be no other word to call it but resolutions, at the beginning of the year. I kinda lost the list and I have been wanting to make a post on the update of my resolutions for a while now. But I’ll leave that for a separate post when I get around to writing it (I have a lot of outstanding posts to finish writing apparently).

One of the many things that had landed on the list was to figure out what I wanted to do with my faith – if I wanted to completely walk away and not care anymore or to recommit myself somehow, somewhere, sometime.

Like a ton of bricks it hit me today, I don’t think I can ever just walk away. Although I have stopped practicing for a while now, my belief has never wavered or changed. The only reason why I stopped was because I didn’t feel worthy anymore. Yes I stupid and odd thought, but it was my stumbling block in any case.

So I guess now the only thing left to do is to repair it since I know I am not able to walk down the other path. Dan…will you just be there in case?

With the looming mounting work that I have (and keep dragging back every night and back in the morning undone), I just couldn’t motivate myself to get cracking on the huge stack of work. Instead, I spent my day downstairs with the children and the couch.

We suddenly dragged out photos, yellow with age and had a good trip down memory lane and a lot of great laughs. The stark difference between my friend’s photos and mine was a little shocking.

Mine has all sorts of scenery, events and sometimes my friends. But there is a sore lack of photos of myself. While my friend’s had her gorgeous face in the majority of sorts with her various friends and all. I wonder why I don’t seem to take photos of the people instead of purely scenery.

I don’t really remember what I looked like two years ago even. My cousins have found photos of the family when we are little children and it has struck a chord in me since I have had no photos of myself in ages. I cannot really remember what I looked like three years ago even. I will probably regret the day that I didn’t take photos to immortalise myself in ten years down the road.

Out of the blue, I am feeling narcissistic. It has hit me like a ton of bricks

In a bid to spend some time with PC, due to the fact I have been working my arse off with no life and weekends, I let her venture in my room on Saturday while I was trying to finish some work. (What’s new with a workaholic working right?) This time, my mobile phone was on my desk as I had been making some calls prior to her entering. Since that was the usual item she will pick up to entertain herself, the little monkey had to find something else to pique her interest. And boy did she spot a good one.

I was soon asked to help her lay my keyboard down on my bed and turn it on so she could have her fun at it. While she had let me press a few buttons to change the sound and play a couple or so notes for her, it wasn’t long before my hand was pushed away when I tried touching the keyboard.

It was nice playing a few simple tunes for her to hear. Unfortunately, the helper could hear the tune not her and she was terribly uninterested to hear me play and would rather bang away on the keyboard with no rhythm or tune.

After she left, I ran my fingers slowly across the keys and played, or at least try to play a few tunes. As the ivories tinkled (ok, so they are not ivory keys but it paints a pretty picture doesn’t it?) I was thinking of the various things I had set out to achieve at the beginning of this year. Of which one was to learn to play the keyboard. Since I have bought my keyboard – I haven’t practiced on it for more than 20 days. It sits right next to my bed but yet I am still not motivated enough to play it. For about an hour, I had my moments trying to play the tunes I am already supposed to know so well.

That same night, a lovely young lass had tempted me to go Wala to enjoy some great music from great musicians. I didn’t realise how much I had missed the UnXpected until hearing them play. It was a great chance for me to unwind and to just let my hair go since I have not had the opportunity to have a night out in ages. Tho the crowd seemed different, the music was still the same and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

This overload, the good sort of overload, has gotten me thinking about my involvement with my music. Maybe I will finally make something of myself soon.

After trying to catch The Other Boleyn Girl two days in a row without success, I wonder if my third attempt would be a fruitful one. I am not sure if I even one to try.

And the story goes (la da di la da di la da di):

On Friday night, after finding out that I didn’t need to work late that night, I decided to catch the movie since it has been opened for so long now. I packed as fast as I could, and rushed out to catch my bus. I had about half an hour to the start of the show. I had to wait for quite a while for the bus and so by the time I reached Lido, I was five minutes past the show time. But I still believed that it was alright since there will be ads. So I ran up the escalators to try and get my ticket.

When I was face to face with the box office – the lady had told me that the show had started for about twenty minutes already! Drats the wrong timing given on the website!!!! I wandered for a while and decided to head off instead.

Seeing my terribly failed attempt yesterday, I decided that today was going to be the day. I set the alarm clock the night before, since I wanted to catch the 12plus show. Didn’t want to oversleep taking into account that I’m in dire need of sleep. I woke up even before my alarm clock was due to go off so I decided to be lazy and laze around in my bed. Soon the bane of my existent – the mobile phone rings – and starts up my day in the last way I wanted it to be started by. So I spend the entire day (or at least the most part of it) working. When I finally manage to get out of my house and purchase a ticket for myself , some lovely young lass comes along and tempts me with something far more powerful….

A night with our favourite band. Guess who won?