Am I too ambitious? Aiming too high? Bitten off more than I can chew?

It feels like I am drowning at work. Every ball that I am supposed to be juggling seems to be landing on the ground with a loud thud. My emotions are running so high and wild that even I am afraid of myself a lot.

Self doubt and a lack of confidence is slowly chipping away at me. I have started second guessing myself in a lot of things and I am no loner sure of some of the decisions I am making. I don’t understand why this job is affecting me so much. My already shaky self confidence is now hanging on by a thin thread. I guess I need to figure out a way to keep myself together – somehow.

How is it that some of my colleagues seems to be able to cruise through their days while I am struggling so hard just too barely stay afloat? It does make me wonder if I am just not capable enough; that I have taken on too much and now I am drowning.

Someone asked me recently – why don’t I just leave. Sometime it feels like there is still something left for me to do; like there is some unfinished business that I cannot walk away from. But other days (like today), it feels that I am killing myself over nothing. That I am pushing myself too hard and too much for no reason. Even a rubber band breaks sometime doesn’t it?

This sense of aimlessness and void, is unnerving and I am afraid I am losing myself.